i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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