Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
