Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
