All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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