Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
