i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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