Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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