I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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