I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
