We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
