Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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