If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
My dad just said "fuck circus"
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
