i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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