i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
