i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
