i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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