hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
