erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
