I want to make a zoo with you.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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