how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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