Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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