You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
