This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
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I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
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