honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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