remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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