and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Pooping to opera.
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