hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
