If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
