I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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