Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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