Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
