Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
