you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
