I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
