So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize