He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
