i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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