addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
