i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
