well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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