I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
His nipple licking is glorious
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