were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
