Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
