I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
