she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
