Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
