Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
