Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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