While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
