Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Your cock deserves a montage
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
