Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
