Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
