maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
