I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
