Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
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