i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize