Me. At least after what I've been through.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
