There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
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