Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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