I think I just saw someone hide a body.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
