I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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