____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
