I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
