why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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