Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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