I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm way too hungover for life right now
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Randomize
