I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
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