Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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