So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
