He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
