The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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