i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
