Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
