sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
is that a dick in a sweater?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
